Obsession
by Bellisario
Summary: Bloodlust... You find it everywhere... in everyone.
1. Listen while you can

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A/N: MWAH! New story - again - not good - READ! And review... please?

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Disc: STORY belongs to ME! Sirius Black belongs to J K Rowling. Too bad. I could use him for many good things, really.

The lyrics in the end are from the opening theme to Hack//Sign, an anime and the song is called "Obsession", there after came the title of this soon-to-be-almost-written-properly fanfic. Yeah, and the song is made by Kajiura Yuki and performed by See-Saw... 

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Obsession

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Chapter One

Listen while You can

Take the girl to Starry Hill - she'll enjoy her time. Green leaves, plants, flowers surrounds you. It is night and it is beautiful. 

You, you're seventeen. You should know how to do it. 

Lovely, can you feel it?

Grab her had and kiss her, up on Starry Hill when the sun is down. Don't worry lovely, pitch black comes when Winter does. You two, aren't you all too young and beautiful? The two of you, you're young and vigorous and brisk and alive, you two hold each other and the summer breeze can stroke your body, dear man of mine. Hold her, tightly. The curve of her belly, the shape of her breasts. And can you see she's enjoying herself already? She does, she really does, doesn't she?

It may take a while before you know what you know. 

She's fifteen and her name is... You do remember, don't you? Oh yes, it's Eugenia. Eugenia Hass, fifteen, picked out by you. The chosen one, poor girl, look how nervous she becomes when you touch her. She squirms underneath you as your fingers tremble across her bared, naked, vulnerable skin.

Poor girl - Doesn't know a thing. But what a story to tell, when you're done with her and she'll meet with her friends tomorrow morning. 

Poor girl - knows that you're using her. Goes limp in your arms when you press your crotch up against her. Very, very scared and thinks she wants to be a lesbian and wants to forget about this, it's horror for the fragile mind of hers. Starry Hill is horror now. 

But you give her one, long look and, why, she can't say no. Bore your eyes into hers and the next moment you're undressing her. Eugenia Hass whimpers when the strong hands roam over nudity, exposure. Holy sweets, God, damn it. Why, is she really crying, dear?

The grass isn't soft and cool anymore. A sweatdrop lingers on her right temple. Gently, you wipe it away. 

Little Miss Hass was a virgin - How rare. And for a few sickles you'd tell your friends all about it... wouldn't you? 

The night is over. Not much is left from what she actually expected to get. The blood that trickled down the inside of her legs has dried and she's sweaty and sticky from your come. The poor girl, she's still scared. Thinks that it would have been best to wait. Knew that your long hair, corps eyes and leather gloves weren't anything to trust. Poor girl, foolish enough to think that she could hold a man like you steady. Tomorrow night you're making Therese, Therese Cambledon with red, fiery curls. 

And what about Miss Hass? Well, at least she had a lesson taught - the poor girl. It's all over. Just a girl. 

Don't you understand? 

I could give you more than that, Sirius. 

She's just a girl. 

Deep in the night. Far off the light. Missing my headache. Visions of light. Sweeter delight. Kissing my loveache. How come I must know where obsession needs to go? How come I must know where the passion hides its feelings?


	2. Never Do

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Chapter Two.

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Never Do

It was wonderful. To see his eyes widen as I smashed the crystal vase into the wall, and see its' tiny, scattered pieces fly all over the room and spread themselves across the floor - Only for a barefoot girl to step on later. It felt lovely and good to see that I shocked him. He says "WHAT?" and I ask myself if I was acting strange that evening.

Truth to be hold, I don't think so, really.

I, Remus Lupin, was frustrated and lonely and cold and furious and I needed that blind bastard.

I spit on the floor and I glare daggers at him. He's confused, I can tell. Good. Let _him_ suffer some for once, yeah. Serves him well, the idiot. 

This is when James enters the room, blinks once or twice as he looks around and finds his dorm to be in disaster. He looks from Sirius to me with a questioning look. I keep on glaring, waiting, fold my arms across my chest and take a step closer to Sirius. His chest is bared; I want to lick it. But of course I won't. You don't do that, ever.

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Touch Me

"Remus", he begins carefully and steps closer too. "What the fuck are you doing?" He says it with a soft hint of reproach, making me hate him for a fleeting moment. He peers curiously at me, wets his lips and glances at James with a slight frown. I don't like him right now, so I straighten out my arm and point my want to another pretty object in the room. 

"_Currumpere." _It's a hiss and it's furious. My eyes lazily scrutinise the broken thing and there, I look up. Sirius seems angry. 

"What's the matter with you?" he screams at me. "Honestly, man! Get a fucking hang of yourself!" Sirius bares his white teeth, snarls and comes closer. This scares me a great deal and with a wince from his words I back away. 

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See? He makes me feel pathetic and weak and see! See how he's dominating me. Why should I resist it? Why should I fight him? Him of all people. Why should I even consider doing that? WHY? Why do you expect me to be someone else than... _Little Remus_? 

I'm a weak person. I'm a pathetic person. I've realised that, why do you push it? 

From somewhere in the room I can hear how upset James is at Sirius. He's scolding him and he's ordering him to calm down. He's protecting me, James Potter, making me love him. But I'm not too aware of that right now because I've closed my eyes. This is the way to stay blind, my friends, in case you didn't know that. 

__

You're welcome. This is the metal age. 

The time has come. It must be done. That's what I always tell myself. Over and over I make myself angry and over and over I waste my time on useless things. Saw me beating up a wall the other day? No, not really. Flesh and blood appeared under my knuckles. I know it, beating up my obsession and his life. Chaining him to the wall, hurting him. If you ever had the chance to see his pale white skin you would know how beautiful it would shine next to pools of blood.

I want to kill him. 

Oh. No, didn't I tell you that? 

I don't want to cry but I can't stop it. The fighting has stopped, the dorm is silent and someone touches me. It's not Sirius that's for sure. I must stop crying. 

It's James who whispers in my ear. "_Remus_... _Come on_." He grabs my arm and leads me out of there, protecting me, he is, my James. It's good when he holds me. He makes it good again. 

No. Did I say that? Not everything, could he? Not Blackness too? 

Goddess, the one I know about? Screw him, please, and bring the man down to earth. Give him the _holy light_ and bring him down to me before I kill him. I want to see his blood. 

If...

I got you crawling up a mountain, hanging round my neck. Got you twisted around my finger, crawling round my legs? The emptiness... the craziness. ...Satisfy my hunger.

Darling how would it feel?

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A/N: Thanks BRC and thanks ScarletDeva. It's always nice when people review. 

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Disc: Now, I don't own MWPP - Rowling does. I own the way to write these words in this order so that it becomes this story - but that's all. 

And I don't own the song "Sleep Together" by Garbage.


	3. Killing Me Softly

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Chapter Three 

Killing me Softly

At twelve o'clock I step out of bed, placing my feet on the cold stone floor. Shiver. Wince. Close my eyes. Night surrounds me and feel flushed with fever, yet damn cold. Nobody knows, but I'm afraid of the dark. I've always been. As a werewolf I suppose you could expect me to be used to it. But no, I'm always scared and blind when pitch black, dark, night, shadows come creeping closer to me. I have to sit down on the edge of my bed to keep myself from descending to the floor and my eyes travel to the shape of a snoring boy only a few meters away from me. A few more steps and I could smell him. Almost touch him. But see him and listen to him breathing, for a while. There he is - this young boy, stranger to my eyes when I think about how much I want him to treat me the way I need it. He could be killing me softly, I wouldn't even notice, and he would only realise it some time after. And as the angel I would be then, I would watch him cry because he lost me. 

Why, I'm dreaming again.

Killing me softly with his song. 

To bad he's not speaking to me anymore. I have no life. I'm dreading my existence without him next to me. That's sad. 

I'm the one who should be killing. Not dying. What the fuck, I had enough of dying, don't you think? Don't you think I deserve something more than this? My only short moments of satisfaction are late at night when I'm watching him in silence, drooling like a perverted old man over porn-magazines, like a dog picturing a big beef under his nose. Like the wolf and his prey, dead creature, about to be eaten. And you know this is supposed to be my best friend and you know I love him too much. 

There's not much more than a week left before my transformation will take room in the Shrieking Shack at midnight hour. We'll be running through the Forbidden Forest instead, exploring the grounds and everything forbidden. 

Forbidden till the end, never to be explored? Where _have_ I heard that before? It struck me as if someone told me once. A rejection, maybe. I can't remember who it was - I've had many rejections throughout my life. Why do you expect me to remember them all? Why do you expect things from me?

I rise from the bed, rub my nose and sighs. The not-yet-full moon casts a yellow, sickening light upon my bared chest and body, through the window. I flinch slightly as another loud snore comes from the dark. 

I decide to walk around. That's always nice. 

First I go loose on circles in the dorm, but it's boring me and moments later I head out of the room to wander around the castle instead. 

I came to think of it. I'm barefoot and I'm freezing. 

No one's allowed to be out at this time at night. It would cost you house points. But still, the castle is great and there are many places to hide in, where no one would ever find you if you didn't want them to.

I've haven't taken the Marauders Map with me, mostly because I forgot. And I didn't borrow James' Cloak. Not that he would have minded but I don't want to hide, I just want to go. 

The corridor is empty, the people in the portraits on the walls are asleep, they too and my feet make swishing sounds as they brush over stone floor. I'm very confused and I don't know where to make my way. 

Right before I am about to turn around, back to bed, a whisper-like echo reaches my ears. Something brushes past my shoulder and this frightens me. Moments pass and I try to listen carefully, but nothing more comes, I can only hear my rapid heartbeats. 

This is dark.

"...who?" I choke out and twirl around as cool breeze strokes briefly over me. "Who's..." My voice cracks and my vision blur. Why, I feel dizzy. My legs don't move when I tell them to. An irritable, hot feeling sneaks upon me and places itself around me like a heavy quilt and sweat breaks out on my forehead. 

Silence, but another light touch brushes the top of my hand. All too sudden, someone grabs my wrist and I think that I'm going to faint and my hearts beat too fast, I don't think it's good. The grip is terribly strong and cold - freezing actually. I feel my fingers go numb. There's no blood coming through. The force is painful. "Let go", I whimper and try to pull my hand away but I'm stuck. I'm suddenly pressed up against the wall, feeling someone's hot breath against my neck. 

I'm scared.

It's dark and cold, my skin is exposed and I'm not alone in a corridor that's supposed to be empty but it isn't. 

I'm pressed up against a cold wall, sending shivers up my spine because the air is icy, dead, and clammy and I'm not protected by anything conceivable. My company is invisible. Or it's just me and just me. My own imagination, twisting up reality for me again. Making things frightening and unreal. 

"_Remus..._"

Now I'm furious and weak, the worst possible. It's a male voice that is whispering my name but I cannot recognise it. A tear forces itself through and rolls down my cheek. This someone licks it away and I wince, turning away my face. 

"Remus, Remus, Remus..." He sounds bemused, and repeats my name as if he was only slightly disappointed with me. "Are you a child, Remus?" He grabs my face in a tight grasp, forcing me to turn it forwards. I get pulled into a rough kiss and then he lets go. I loose by balance and fall to the floor, crying like a baby. I can only hear the footsteps fade as I stand still on my scraped and bloodied knees.

This is where I stay for many hours, till the sun is on it's way up, and the new day screams at me, like everyone else that has ever passed. 

I'm not the strongest among us. See that? 

I'm just extinguished now.

A/N; I _know_ I shouldn't have put the lyrics to Killing Me Softly in here but I just couldn't help it... Vairy sorree about that.

Thank you BRC, kind as always... And thank you Mia; that was very encouraging. 


	4. Touch me Blue

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Touch Me Blue 

Strange. It's strange, when friends turn to lovers. 

Seven days went and another Monday blue appeared to slap me in the face. 

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Sirius hasn't spoken to me for a week 

But when I sit down by the table in the Hall, picturing a mess of flesh in my mind, he takes a seat close to me. 

"Good evening Remus," says Sirius, almost singing. I see he's got flushed cheeks and his hair has an aggressive look, pointing in many wrong directions. _Smirk_. His eyeliner is smeared. I love the clothes. He's sexy. 

I never liked Mondays. 

Sirius grasps my hand and pulls me to my feet, peering closely into my eyes. I can feel his breath. Warm breath on my face. I have to stare back, stare back and force myself not to die. 

Sirius drags me out of the Hall. I feel the heavy looks from James on my back. I don't even think I have to deny it this time. 

Sirius swings a hand over my shoulders when we walk out into the gardens. Hums for himself. 

"_Once, man, once I knew a girl with a scar across her chest._.."I close my eyes to listen carefully."_Chaining fools didn't keep my girl alive... I knew a lady with a scar 'cross her chest... And she slept in my Mother's tremendous arms.._." 

Makes me laugh, because he's so funny when he sings. I love him. 

"I've decided it's time for a chat, Moony," he admits happily, or maybe not. It's so dark outside; I can hardly see his face. We sit under a crooked Maple, sitting on a bench; now his arm is around my waist instead. Gives me a funny feeling. 

A squirrel runs across the wet grass, stops, and stares at us. Sirius mimes it, laughs and glances at me. 

Bend over. 

I gaze up at a night sky full of stars, waits patiently for Sirius to speak. 

This is one of those nights when there are so many stars in the sky that you feel like you can see the whole universe, all the way to the end. If I don't lean against Sirius, I'll faint. 

"I can tell you have not been yourself lately," he begins in a very diplomatic tone and looks down at me, takes his arm away, much to my disappointment. 

There is silence. So, what am I supposed to say? 

"Won't you tell me about it?"

"Tell you what?" 

"James and I-" 

"James?" 

"- And Peter have been worried about you-" 

"What?"

Sirius sighs, pats me on the head. "You don't believe in yourself, nor in us." 

I wonder, was that an insult. "That's not true," I whisper. 

"Oh Remus." 

I look up at him fiercely, my mouth slightly open, my eyes transfixed on his red velvet lips. If I could bite them, and they would bleed, and I could taste the blood and lick up every trail of pain, and Sirius- would he still call me my name, smiling softly, a little stupidly, like that? 

I'm weightless. Breathe a white puff. 

"I'm the same Remus I've always been..." Damn fuckers, they don't notice me, not enough, can't they see I'm still the same, in the same silver chains? Silver chains burn a werewolf's skin. 

Sirius dresses his woman-like smooth face with a frown, pursing his lips as he tilts his head. Boy, you look just like a girl in far too heavy lashes, and it's pretty. 

This is that moment I live for, when Sirius leans closer. Barely, almost, he places his callused fingertips on my cheek, they trail up to my eyelids, fluttering. It tickles. 

This is that moment that is being alive. When Sirius takes a deep breath and lets his hands fall- 

Into my lap instead. I didn't expect that- No. Oh dear. He leans further closer, and peers at me with those inky black orbs of eyes, that can kill if he desired to. Maybe he does. 

"You have to understand, Remus..."

That feeling that I want, that I hate. 

"That I .. I have always..." 

Been right? Been true? Been mine? 

It's a sad feeling in your heart, after a great life, you die. Life is over, when he comes closer to my face, and his eyes are half closed, but looking deeply into mine. 

"...wanted..."

To lay in bed? To be alone? To be with me? To save me, kill me, save me, thrill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, You've always wanted to make me. 

Sirius, you're too close to pull away now. Too close to be my friend. 

You can't stop laughing.

You want to see me take my last breath.

"I always wanted you to be happy Remus." 

To finish pulling stings. To entwine your long, dangerous fingers with mine. And get caught in the wind and fly up two hundred yards and out of sight down to the end of the street into infinity.

You wanted to. 

"I always wanted to be happy too."

Sirius smiles at that, cups my face in his hands and inches closer. It's like life slapping me in the face, when.. 

An arm, around my waist. I'm pulled to him. A hand, up my back. No, please Sirius, let go, your presence it flowing through every part of everything and I am overcome, for I feel your lips brush lightly over mine, so feather light and soft. I didn't know you could ever be gentle. Tonight I don't know what I used to know, I didn't know you could come this near the end. 

Tonight.

You press your body against mine, perfectly I can feel your chest rise and sink, perfectly I can feel your heart beat steady, it doesn't flutter like mine. You're calm. How can you? How can you push me down on my back, against a damp wooden bench, and climb on top of me and straddle me. How can you?

I pull the motion up. 

Am I beautiful? I am insecure, tell me, am I beautiful? If only I could be, when you are. So beautiful I would die for you, but you would have to die too. 

You kiss me and wrap the chain around my neck, then lower yourself. Burn me with silver and scarlet and hot love. 

Unfreeze me. 

"Remus, I've waited."

"No."

"I've waited for this."

"No. Don't say."

"I've wanted you."

Kill you. Fuck you. How could you?

I'm getting scared and the silver is cold, against my skin, my neck, Sirius tugs at it, I whimper. 

I don't want to die yet.

"I've meant to tell you, Remus."

You've meant to take me, you mean, you've made to make me. Fine. But before you enter me, I know I need to say something to you. One word. But not yet and I'm scraping at the chain at my neck with one hand, while you slowly undress me. 

The garden is empty. Long gone are the students who could save me from this.

Don't die yet.

Why is Sirius silent? Didn't he have something to tell me? I thought he was going to tell me he loves me. I thought... I hoped... I had my hopes high. He doesn't love me. But he fucks me, he fucks me hard. I scream, I feel pleasure I feel hot pleasure I feel like a little child, I feel open I feel taken. I... Sirius. I... I'd... I'd love to love you, I'd love to hurt you. Make you my own forever, just like you hurt me, and took me. And for all my life I belong to your chain now. Stupid wolves, we bond for life, but you didn't know that did you?

Tears are running hot down my face. I feel hands holding me up, holding me close to their warm body. I want to sleep here, dream about saviour. But a second later I feel him go limp, I feel him shudder - I want to get up and leave - I feel him breathing heavily, he collapses on top of me. He's done. And there are... painful throbs, but I don't know where just... that- 

I'm alive.. and for a second.. it's all that matters.

A/N: Hello everyone. I have lots of thanks to hand out. Much thanking indeed.

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Ophel McNeil: *hands over black rose and faints* I am flattered. Dark is good, makes me cheeky. XD And I'll prolly continue this way - seeing as I always have before. 

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Eldarin (I do know who): Your English is NOT sucky! It's real good, actually. *huggles back forcefully* You're such a kind reviewer too. O.o; Sure you can handle my ego-boost? 

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J.Adelina: ^_^ Hey you Australian wacco. The only one who actually took my plead for talking buddies seriously. *bows* Da's Respect. Thank you. 

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I Love Snuffles: Aoooh! COOKIES! *gasp* *pant* *wheeze* *falls over* *munches* *cling* *dies* 

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La Mort Cramoisi: ... ehm. You know I'm nothing compared to you. T.T Arigatoo. I suck. You're brilliant. Thank you. Oh thank you high one. *gets down on knees ready to be executed by the Goddess of James/Snape slashing* 

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Louise: 'Lo girl. Long. time no see. ".ò I'm big time sorry for my absent-ness. You know you played a great part as a mentor and friend while I was completely off key. *hugs hard* And you even reviewed my fic. T.T I loff yoo. 

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Nita: Bwoo! O.o thanks! You like it? Really? Really, really? Oee! But still.. ehm. Fun? .... Oookays. Don't think Remmy-chan would reason that way, but OH well. He'll be fine. I think. Thanks! I'll show him all the pretty reviews I've got and we'll see. ^_^ Cheerios. 


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